Gender activist Mbuyiseni Botha weighs in on how fathers who lead by example, shape the way their sons see the world as grown men
In a time where the issue of equality on all fronts, whether in the workplace or in terms of gender or race, is one of the biggest challenges facing society, it’s important that the issue is addressed at home before it’s taken out into the greater world.
A father plays a significant role in how his son perceives the world and how he sees himself in that world. Gender activist Mbuyiseni Botha says fathers and mothers alike should raise their sons according to a different level of consciousness about gender equality.
“You have to begin raising your son to look at himself as a human being that rejects the notion that they [as men] are superior; that they were created superior,” Botha says. “The next generation of men needs to understand, on a natural level, that they weren’t inherently born to be better in society.”
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| Fathers, conscientise your sons |
Naturally, one would ask how this can be done. Botha says that it’s quite simple really.
“Parents should make it clear in the home that boys clean too, girls can wash cars too, boys can make tea and cook too and that girls can also be busy in the garden,” he says. “These little things ultimately shape who boys become when they grow into manhood.”
Botha adds that these “little things” should not only be the responsibility of the child, but that parents should lead by example. So it should be the norm for the father to iron, cook and clean sometimes.
“As they grow up, they begin to mirror who we are as fathers,” Botha says. “From an early age, they need to understand that a girl doesn’t use her vagina to wash and clean, but uses her hands – and that boys have hands as well. Likewise, boys don’t use their penises to wash and clean; they have hands.”
Botha says it’s crucial that a new culture of exemplary leadership in the home is fostered as that’s where identities are formed and shaped.
“An ideal future is one that sees a new generation of men who embrace a philosophy that we’re all created equal, men and women,” he explains. “But more importantly, a generation of men who will not use culture or religion as an excuse to oppress, degrade and disrespect women.”
Thabo Noz has three sons aged four, five and seven. He says it’s important for him to be very deliberate about his approach to the way he raises his boys. His greatest concern is that because they’re so close in age, they’ll become very competitive, and he’s working to create a unified brotherhood between them.
“By being deliberate, you’re able to set a clear goal and work towards it,” he explains. “So for me, because they’re brothers and are almost the same age, I always try to keep them as a team. The age gap opens them up to competing against one another and I don’t want that.”
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