The 10 biggest myths about fatherhood debunked

Everyone knows that dads are all fingers and thumbs with babies and are bored silly with kids until it’s time for parks and pools. We tackle these and nine other myths about fatherhood in defence of that much-maligned creature known as a dad

• Myth: Mums always make better parents

Reality: Let’s start with a biggie, shall we? The received wisdom is that mums do it better than dads. Not so, says parenting coach Sue Atkins: “It’s not true that mums make better parents or that it comes naturally to them and not to dads. Having a baby is like starting a new job – you learn as you go along and that applies equally to mums and dads.”

• Myth: Men don’t want children as much as women

Reality: Another classic – that guys have to be dragged kicking and screaming into fatherhood. Adrienne Burgess, author of Fatherhood Reclaimed (Vermilion), says men are just as broody as women, especially when they’re older. “Men may be less keen on the idea when they’re younger, because they worry more about the cost. 

The 10 biggest myths about fatherhood debunked

But by the age of 40, just as many men as women want kids.”

• Myth: Men are insensitive to babies

Reality: Wrong. “Dads can be super-sensitive to babies – just as sensitive as mothers,” says Burgess. She cites research that shows men’s hearts race as fast as women’s when they hear a baby scream; and when a man bottle-feeds an infant, he does so just as sensitively as a woman. So there.

• Myth: Mums need support, not dads

Reality: From the early days of pregnancy onwards, mums get lots of support from family, friends and health professionals. That’s as it should be – but don’t men need help too? Absolutely, says child psychologist Dr Richard Woolfson. “When a baby arrives all parents have L-plates on, no matter how much they’ve read. Just like mums, dads need all the help and advice they can get.”

• Myth: You should spend all your free time with your kids

Reality: This one is only a half-myth. Kids thrive on attention and interest, so it’s far better to spend an hour playing (and enjoying) a game with them than a whole Saturday texting your mates from the sofa while you watch TV. But you also need to recharge your batteries after a tough week, otherwise you’ll burn out and your dad skills will be non-existent.

• Myth: Dads get bored with babies

Reality: Um, no. “This really is a myth,”says Woolfson. “It’s not that dads can’t relate to babies, or aren’t interested in them. It’s just that some can’t be bothered to do it. Babies are pre-programmed to interact with us in terms of their vision, hearing and touch. And forging a bond with your baby is perhaps the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do – something most dads know and take great pleasure in.”

• Myth: Dads rarely look after children

Reality: Nonsense. Unlike our dads’ generation, we invest plenty of time in our progeny. “Dads do eight times more childcare than their fathers did 30 years ago,” says Burgess.

• Myth: Dads don’t help out at night

Reality: Wrong again, says Woolfson. “This comes down to the arrangement between a father and mother about who does what. It’s easier for a dad to get involved with night feeds if a baby’s bottle-fed. But even if it’s breast-fed, mums can express milk for dads to give them.”

• Myth: Parenting should come naturally

Reality: “Some people are born to it, but for most, parenting is quite hard,” says Sue Atkins. “The male instinct is to problem-solve and be in control, so they can be reluctant to admit that it doesn’t come naturally. Remember that mums learn to parent through advice and reading every baby book they can get their hands on – you should too.”

• Myth: Dads can’t show love for their kids

Reality: Men and women may show their emotions differently, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have them. “Women are better able to express their emotions verbally,” says Woolfson. “But that doesn’t mean dads don’t love their kids just as much – there’s no reason why fathers can’t have a dynamic, emotional relationship with their child.”

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